“How do you feel today?”
“The thing is I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid I’ll die before I’m ready. There are things I want to do before I go.”
“Like what?” A smile spread across my face as he asked this.
“I want to fall in love, travel the world, become a photographer, I want to live. If I died tomorrow I don’t think I would have been satisfied with my life. I mean, I’m 18. What major difference can I make in the world?” I looked down at my hands in my lap. “I’m not afraid of dying itself, I’m more afraid that I’ll die without living. I’m not afraid of death as a person or thing. I know it’s not evil and I know it’s not good. It doesn’t do what it does for fun; it does what it has to do.” I continued to look down at my hand as I spoke to my therapist.
“It’s weird that you would say something like that so soon.” I gave him a questioning look.
“Say what so soon?”
“That death isn’t evil or good. That it kills because it has to.”
“It doesn’t kill. It just takes you.”
“Why do you think that?”
“He was dead in an instant, but he wasn’t gone till they came.”
“What do you mean he wasn’t gone?”
“He never left me alone. He stayed with me till the paramedics came.” I look back up at my therapist. “His spirit was with me till they came.”
“Dr. Mathews, your daughter is here to see you and your next patient is in the lobby.” Sarah, Dr. Mathews’ secretary said over the intercom.
“Ok, well then, I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time. We’ll pick up where we left off.” Dr. Mathews said as he stood.
“Ok then.” I stood, picked up my crutches, and moved towards the door.
“Erika, Are you ok?”
“How would you feel Dr. Mathews? My brother died and I’m still here.”
“That’s good, that your still here.”
“How is that a good thing? He was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat. The truck hit the rear of the passenger side. I should be dead and Craig should be here.” I said with my hand on the handle of the door and my eyes on my hand.
“Erika, the way your car was hit and the way it reacted is what hurt him and saved you.”
“I guess I just don’t feel the same way you and my parents do.” I turned the handle and walked out before he could stop me again.
I took a deep breath as I stepped out onto the sidewalk of New York City. God, I loved the hustle and bustle of New York. I loved how you could just walk around and get lost in the crowd and not have to worry about anything.
“The thing is I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid I’ll die before I’m ready. There are things I want to do before I go.”
“Like what?” A smile spread across my face as he asked this.
“I want to fall in love, travel the world, become a photographer, I want to live. If I died tomorrow I don’t think I would have been satisfied with my life. I mean, I’m 18. What major difference can I make in the world?” I looked down at my hands in my lap. “I’m not afraid of dying itself, I’m more afraid that I’ll die without living. I’m not afraid of death as a person or thing. I know it’s not evil and I know it’s not good. It doesn’t do what it does for fun; it does what it has to do.” I continued to look down at my hand as I spoke to my therapist.
“It’s weird that you would say something like that so soon.” I gave him a questioning look.
“Say what so soon?”
“That death isn’t evil or good. That it kills because it has to.”
“It doesn’t kill. It just takes you.”
“Why do you think that?”
“He was dead in an instant, but he wasn’t gone till they came.”
“What do you mean he wasn’t gone?”
“He never left me alone. He stayed with me till the paramedics came.” I look back up at my therapist. “His spirit was with me till they came.”
“Dr. Mathews, your daughter is here to see you and your next patient is in the lobby.” Sarah, Dr. Mathews’ secretary said over the intercom.
“Ok, well then, I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time. We’ll pick up where we left off.” Dr. Mathews said as he stood.
“Ok then.” I stood, picked up my crutches, and moved towards the door.
“Erika, Are you ok?”
“How would you feel Dr. Mathews? My brother died and I’m still here.”
“That’s good, that your still here.”
“How is that a good thing? He was driving and I was sitting in the passenger seat. The truck hit the rear of the passenger side. I should be dead and Craig should be here.” I said with my hand on the handle of the door and my eyes on my hand.
“Erika, the way your car was hit and the way it reacted is what hurt him and saved you.”
“I guess I just don’t feel the same way you and my parents do.” I turned the handle and walked out before he could stop me again.
I took a deep breath as I stepped out onto the sidewalk of New York City. God, I loved the hustle and bustle of New York. I loved how you could just walk around and get lost in the crowd and not have to worry about anything.